Hello you! It’s the August 2024 News Bliddeby-Bloob-Blah!
Greetings, fellow lovers of fermented grape juice. I’m Monty McMinty and this is News Stain?
Yes, it is…I just checked with my handler. So, fasten your corkscrews, as this month's stories are as wild as an indigenous yeast at lascivious priest feast.
Let’s kick it off like a soiled slipper
Bordeaux Wine from Space
We kick things off with a story that’s quite literally out of this world. In November 2019, 12 bottles of Bordeaux were sent to Space and were then returned to Earth in January 2021, after spending just over a year aboard the International Space Station. The experiment aimed to study how microgravity and increased radiation can impact the aging process of wine. Call me a conspiracy theorist but are we preparing for wine on Mars?
In March 2021, a private tasting event was held in Bordeaux, where a select group of experts, including wine critics and sommeliers, had the opportunity to taste the space-aged wine alongside a control batch that had remained on Earth. The experts noted subtle differences between the two, with some describing the space-aged wine as having "more complex" and "slightly softer" tannins.
Ah, space wine—the final frontier. It this just an excuse for NASA to tax write-off first-growth Bordeaux? Who knew that the next phase of wine aging would involve more rocket science than cellar science? Imagine sommeliers of the future debating the merits of wine aged in the cosmos versus a cave. When they start offering space-aged wine, you’ll end up paying astronomical prices.
Wine Heist at TGI Friday’s
In a plot twist straight out of a gas station crime novel, a stash of rare wines was discovered in the basement of a TGI Friday’s. The unlikely treasure trove, consisting of some extremely valuable bottles, dating back several decades, was found by baffled maintenance staff who were probably just looking for another box of flair pins.
Authorities are still scratching their heads, and some patrons are likely wondering if their $12 glass of house red was actually a Mouton ‘89.
There are several theories, ranging from the mundane to the dramatic…was a previous owner a collector or were they hidden there by a master thief?
Who knew TGI Friday’s was short for “Thank God It’s First Growth”? You go in for Jack Daniel's ribs and leave with Château Lafite braised burger. It’s the perfect place for those who appreciate the finer things in life - like bottomless potato skins paired with a 1996 Romanée-Conti. Next thing you know, Wendy’s will be serving Dom Pérignon with a breakfast bacon bagel.
Italy’s 24-Hour Wine Fountain
Welcome to Italy, home of pasta, pizza and pasta. Now, we all know that the Eye-tallyans never stop Eye-novating. In the town of Caldari di Ortona, in Abruzzo, they give us a free-flowing red wine fountain, dispensing to anyone who happens to pass by, day or night.
Pilgrims and tourists alike are flocking to this wine-lovers dream, proving that when it comes to hospitality and like my Uncle Edgar who died with my Auntie Floella in a freak cliff-diving accident, the Italians have literally “gone with the flow.” I’m so sorry for that pun…they were wonderful adventurists.
The fountain was originally created to serve as a rest stop for pilgrims walking the Cammino di San Tommaso, a spiritual route that stretches from Rome to Ortona. The Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, local red, is provided free of charge, flowing 24 hours a day, seven days a week, making it a truly unique experience.
It is housed within the vineyard premises and while it is open to the public, it is intended to be used respectfully, rather than as a place for drunken revelry. That is except for local man, Luigi Rossi, who has a different disguise every day and is permanently sozzled.
Finally, a public service that truly serves the public. Italy’s 24-hour wine fountain answers the age-old question, “What if drinking in public was not only allowed but encouraged?” All we need now is a 24-hour Arrosticini pairing.
Wine-Flavored Kit Kats
From the land of ground-breaking innovators like Miyamoto Musashi, Japan brings us the latest in eccentric treats. The limited-edition, “Wine-Flavored Kit Kats” are as profound as the Book of Five Rings and more chocolatey than my Kimono after a crazy Cocoa Katana confrontation.
Kit Kats have become a cultural phenomenon in Japan, where Nestlé has released hundreds of limited-edition and region-specific flavors over the years, ranging from wasabi, matcha green tea to soy sauce.
Some versions have been based on red wine, with a subtle grape flavor infused into the chocolate. In other cases, white wine or sparkling wine has been the inspiration, giving the chocolate a slightly fruity and tangy taste.
In Japan, Kit Kats are known as "Kitto Katsu!" which sounds like "Surely win!" in Japanese, in Japan. This has made them a popular gift, especially for students during exam season, at Speed Dating nights and Blind Tasting competitions, where winning is everything.
It seems Japan is on a mission to make us question our life choices with every bite. Wine-flavored Kit Kats? Next, they’ll be offering wine-flavored toothpaste. How about Kit-Kat flavored wine? Oh right, that would be a bad Californian red.
Experimental Hybrid Voltis Grape in Champagne
The Champagne region, ever the guardian of tradition, decided in 2021 to embrace innovation with the introduction of “Voltis.” No, it’s not a Robot Winemaker designed to withstand climate change, it’s a hybrid grape variety designed to withstand climate change.
This experimental grape promises to preserve the fizzy good stuff we all love, even as the Earth heats up faster than a wine connoisseur’s temper at Tony “Two Cups” Marino’s corner store wine tasting. The move has divided purists and progressives alike. But one thing’s for sure, the future of bubbly just got more interesting.
This last month, all eyes were watching as the Voltis grape continued to be a focal point of discussions within the Champagne industry. This experimental hybrid variety gained renewed attention, as producers and wine experts evaluated the results of the harvest.
The success of Voltis could set a precedent for more widespread adoption of hybrid varieties in the Champagne region, although the final judgment will depend on observation and quality assessments over the next few years.
Ah, the Voltis grape - because when life gives you climate change, make sparkling wine! Just think, future generations will raise a glass of “traditional” Champagne made from grapes as resilient as our will to keep drinking through global warming…we are going to need it if it keeps getting hotter each year.
Mukbang Wine Pairing Trend in China
And finally, from the ancient land of modern China where we would like to introduce you to their version of Hotdog eating competitions - the Mukbang!
What in the velvet tannin is Mukbang?
What a great question Michael. Mukbang originated in South Korea and involves hosts or “Mukbangers.” These greedy Mukbangers eat copious amounts of food while interacting with their voyeuristic audience.
The trend quickly spread across Asia and then globally, becoming a form of entertainment. In 2024, some Mukbang influencers in China began pairing their extravagant live-streamed eating sessions with wine, adding an element of sophistication to the otherwise gluttonous displays.
Hosts began discussing the wines, their flavors, and how they complement the food. This has led to some Mukbangers gaining sponsorship deals from wine brands looking to tap into the trend, blending food entertainment with product promotion. So, if you’ve ever wondered what pairs best with 10 pounds of noodles or 50 dumplings, this is the trend for you.
Mukbang wine pairings - I guess nothing says “sophistication” like washing down five whole roast chickens with a case of Burgundy. It’s the perfect blend of excess and elegance, where the only thing bigger than the portion sizes is the enlarged liver that will burst out of your torso.. Who knew that the world of wine could be paired with gluttony in such a classy way?
And in other news, my wife found out about Elaine from accounting because I mentioned it here last week. So, I’ve moved into the wine cellar.
I've been Monty McMinty, and you've been News Stained.
Good night and good god!
