July 2024 round-up! You can’t make this old hat up…
Welcome back to the Indelible Wine Stain News. I will be Monty McMinty and your guide to the top stories from July in the two thousand and twenty fourth year after Jesus Christ was born.
Let’s kick it off!
AI-Powered Wine Labels
A winery in California has introduced AI-powered wine labels that change color based on the temperature of the bottle, providing an interactive experience and ensuring optimal drinking conditions for consumers.
Finally, wine labels that are smarter than the people reading them. Who knew the future of wine would be more like a mood ring than a moody sommelier? Now, if only those labels could also tell us if it's acceptable to drink alone while sitting on the toilet, crying into a glass of buttery Chardonnay on a Tuesday.
Wine Robots at Japanese Restaurants
High-end restaurants in Japan are now employing cyborg robot sommeliers. These robots use AI to recommend wine pairings based on the diner's preferences and the meal being served, offering a futuristic dining experience.
Fantastic, because nothing says fine dining like getting wine advice from a glorified toaster. Next up, robot cat waiters bringing you your sushi on silver trays and purr if you leave a good tip and time travel back to destroy your ancestors if you don’t.
Space-Aged Wine
A private space company successfully aged wine on the International Space Station, claiming that the microgravity environment leads to unique flavor profiles. This project aims to explore new frontiers in wine aging.
Because why age wine in a dusty cellar when you can do it in the vast void of space? Next thing you know, we'll have corporate monsters researching alien tastes so that they can change the winemaking to suit their Martian palates.
Underwater Wine Cellars
In Croatia, a winery has taken to aging wines underwater in the Adriatic Sea. The constant temperature and low light conditions create a unique aging process that can't be replicated on land.
Poseidon’s Trident! They've tapped into the elusive merroir. Because why let your wine age in a boring old cellar when it can go swimming with the fishes? Strap it onto the back of a migrating Whale to age it quicker.
DIY Wine Kits for Pets
A quirky trend has emerged with DIY wine kits for pets. These non-alcoholic "wines" are made from pet-safe ingredients and are marketed as fun treats for dogs and cats and occasional owners.
Picture this: your cat swirling a glass of “Meow-low” while your dog debates the subtle notes of “Paw-secco.” Next thing you know, we'll be seeing pet wine tasting parties with cheese-flavored kibble pairings and critiquing the vintage variation of “Bark-undy.” Start them on Catnip and move them to Heroin.
Tasting Notes Under Scrutiny
Research indicates that people's taste perceptions vary significantly, making traditional tasting notes unreliable for many. This could lead to a reevaluation of how wines are described and marketed. There goes my rating system.
So, it turns out my “hint of blackberry with a whisper of oak” might just be your “splash of raspberry with a splat of confusion.” In the future, we might see wine bottles with blank labels for you to write your own tasting notes.
And in other news, I’m having an affair with Elaine from accounting. But don't worry, our secret’s safe in the cellar.
I've been Monty McMinty, and you've been Wine Stained.
Good night and good grief!
